eternal

2006-11-15T22:23:00.000+08:00

what are you afraid of?
losing.
what have you got to lose?
everything.

***

butifyou'rereadytobemyeverythingandifyou'rereadytoseeitthroughthistime
ifyou'rereadyforlovethenthisiwillbringbuti'mnotgonnawaitforyouforeverthistime...
(i think).

2006-11-10T22:40:00.000+08:00

interesting stuff that's been happening

swimming classes for the third quarter! woohoo!
new nickname after tuesday's swimming class: snow white. darn it.
busy with school work and extra-curricular activities (well, not really very interesting... but it's kept me preoccupied).
promotions for our fair in ateneo last thursday... i saw sir lorenzo's son in the grade school ... SO CUTE!!!!
class newsletter is in progress. i'm very excited about it! they named a column after me. tentatively, it's "pixie's gallery" which will have the drawings and artworks.
thursday was a very good hair day! haha!
i loved my thursday night... :)
math camp in school earlier today.
singing medleys with your psycho groupmates, cutting dodecahedrons, hopping with eyes closed along marked floors and measuring the soccer field using an old shoe was extremely hilarious and definitely tiring.
bonding with my classmates before CAT.
played truth or dare and fatefully chose "dare" when it was my turn. oh those writings on the board...
STAMPEDE! for fear of being late for CAT... hahaha! that was so the best, section 2!

2006-11-08T20:52:00.000+08:00

i STILL feel butterflies in my stomach after all this time... sometimes, i think that it's too much, i just want to drown in my blankets and never get up. it's a little disturbing and distracting but it nonetheless assures me that some things just didn't change at all... or it's just me being pathetic! hahahahahahaha...

2006-11-05T22:41:00.000+08:00

art will always be my heart, my life (although i know pursuing this path will be highly improbable). reality check -- artists don't earn enough to sustain them for the rest of their life. and what more if my future holds a family? nonetheless, it's only when i draw that i feel a sense of assurance. only when i let my wrist move along with the pencil or any other medium that, for once in my life, i feel like everything is certain, everything is sure. nothing could go wrong. and yet something always goes wrong. mistakes are inevitable, especially in art, but that can't stop you. it should never stop you. somehow, as you finish your work, your art, you see that the mistakes you've made seemed calculated, or that they contributed to the entirety of the drawing.

i will always go back to art. it's only through art that i feel like myself. i feel as if the world can damn me ten times over and it won't even matter at all. it's a safe place... my safe place. somehow, it makes me think that maybe if the world will never understand me or how i see them in return, i'll be fine. i don't make art for other people. for once, i have something that is solely for me. i do something that is for no one else but me... for once.

something always goes wrong. mistakes are inevitable, especially in art. but that can't stop you. it should never stop you... it never stopped me.

2006-10-30T21:36:00.000+08:00

watching old dvds is always fun. even though you've watched a certain movie several times already, it always leaves you with the same rush of emotion just as it did when you first saw it. take the movie "a walk to remember". i'm almost positive you've watched that... don't tell me it didn't leave you crying, or at the very least leave a tiny crack in that stone heart of yours. doesn't it make you think? i mean, haven't you ever wondered how it must feel to know that you don't have long to live? wouldn't you be scared to know that each moment, each second could be your last? and jamie sullivan... she never lost faith even when she faced the most terrible things a person could face in one lifetime. somehow, this makes you reflect and think of yourself, how you easily lose faith, lose hope over the smallest obstacles. and then there's landon carter. he changed, a complete 180, all because of one person. yes, one person. that's all it takes. maybe you never noticed, but you do make a difference in someone's life. there's that somebody in the world who wouldn't be the way he or she is if you hadn't crossed their path. lastly, love. they quoted the bible, "love is always patient and kind. it is never jealous..." maybe if people listened to this line and truly understood it, they wouldn't have such a difficult time making decisions.

2006-10-30T00:10:00.000+08:00

seniors: humble in victory, gracious in defeat. ONE LAST TIME.

***

epitome of mystery. who'd have thought it would resound in my head over and over again? not me. i was hoping to be out of that state soon... but NO! you just don't give me a break, do you? you're never going to give me a break! i'm always going to be stuck here, bothered by everything, knowing nothing, feeling stupid and incapable of doing anything reasonable. but how could i possibly do anything reasonable when i DON'T KNOW the reason for every damn thing that's going on?! i hate this feeling. you know the feeling, right? the same feeling you get when everyone knows this little secret (and you know you're involved in this issue) but you have no clue as to what's really happening. why no one is telling you seems beyond rationality. some people just have a difficult time expressing themselves or telling the truth. the problem with this attitude is that they don't know they're already hurting other people in the process, and it's not fair for them because all they really want is to understand what's going on. is that asking for too much? i just want to understand. don't i have the right to comprehend the situation that i find myself facing?

***

it's difficult to wait for the dawn. the night seems to drag on until forever. sometimes, you just want to leave and hope that you'll wake up with the sun shining already... regardless of whether i stop waiting for the sun to come up, i'm still going to come back to this ol' spot anyway.

2006-10-25T23:16:00.000+08:00

i've been reading the gospel for tomorrow since i'll be the one to give a reflection for the class. oddly enough, it has left me at a loss for words, for stories, even for quotes. normally, i'd have all sorts of stories to tell, but this time, nada. for some reason, this idea of a family broken, fighting with each other, and going against each other leaves you feeling so empty and hollow that not even words could capture your emotion (or the lack of it). and yet in the gospel, Jesus says that He didn't come here to bring peace, but to cause division among households. i suppose the concept of family always being there for you clashes with this statement from Jesus. but personally, i think this only means that when it comes to standing up for your beliefs, spreading the word of God and being a disciple of Christ, sometimes sacrifices will have to be made. sometimes, you have to go through hell all for Jesus. in this gospel, Jesus already gave us a small picture of hell: family members against each other. that's how big a sacrifice we might have to make. some people will reject you for what you believe, what you stand for. sometimes, those people are your family members, the very same people that you love. i guess that's one way of knowing that you're ready to be a true disciple of Christ -- when you're willing to let go of comfort, of love, of security, in exchange for something so great, you don't even know what it is yet.

there are two tragedies in life. one is gaining your heart's desire, the other is losing it. i suppose the moment you lose your heart's desire and have the courage to call it "love" rather than "tragedy", you can say that (at the very least) you're on the right path.

2006-10-22T19:36:00.000+08:00

louie (10/19/2006 10:07:05 PM): gusto ka niya mag up
louie (10/19/2006 10:07:09 PM): hmmm...
louie (10/19/2006 10:07:16 PM): ganito lang yan eh
louie (10/19/2006 10:07:21 PM): one tree hill style
louie (10/19/2006 10:07:29 PM): "use your head, follow your heart"
louie (10/19/2006 10:07:34 PM): haha
Pixie (10/19/2006 10:07:38 PM): hahaha
Pixie (10/19/2006 10:07:54 PM): and what if your head is opposing your heart?
louie (10/19/2006 10:08:30 PM): then you bang your head on the wall until it bleeds
louie (10/19/2006 10:08:38 PM): and then you follow your heart
louie (10/19/2006 10:08:41 PM): haha
Pixie (10/19/2006 10:08:44 PM): wow:))
Pixie (10/19/2006 10:08:49 PM): process of elimination always works

best advice i've gotten in months. i'm scared of january... it means i'll have to make big decisions. oh well... i'll face you when you're here.

2006-10-17T21:18:00.000+08:00

i don't need that one night for myself

when i could instead make those children smile.

i gave up that one night for myself

so i could instead make those children smile.

i'm happy with my decision (sacrifice).

2006-10-12T22:22:00.000+08:00

i need a break... seriously. i'm not one to complain about the load of work i receive, but i just really want to get out and NOT think of anything else except having fun. i partly wish summer was here so that i could bum around again, but then that means goodbye highschool. hmm... i wonder if i'm ready to be in college. it's a whole 'nother world and you're going to start from scratch. how exciting! haha!

well summer... you're still far away. semestral break's near though. i guess i can look forward to that. but darn it, it's only about a week long. i wonder if that's enough to catch up on some long deserved sleep. probably not, but i guess it'll have to do.

***

i'm a little confused here. see, certain things aren't really jiving with each other... the one that's right in front of you is proving this but everything else around you is saying otherwise. so, how does this all fall into place? it's either one's the truth, and the other's a lie, or the other way around. either way, there's going to be terrible DRAMA. oh well.

***

haaay january, i NEED you to come faster! college entrance exam results... i hope i'll be jumping for joy.

***

i guess i've been extremely melancholic lately. heck, just read my previous entries. they're too deep, i don't even know where in the world i got them. i'm not entirely sure why... probably because i've been putting off some things for too long now.

raisa said i've been hiding my emotions for too long. she said i should at least try to show some hint of emotion once in a while. that's hard for me. i've had this withdrawal syndrome ever since summer... don't ask. but, i just can't risk it again. it makes me feel stupid just thinking about it. i guess that's why all i've been trying to do lately is look at the positive side of things. i'd just rather not feel hurt anymore. i don't deserve that.

being happy is contagious and i love making other people smile... i wish i could smile as often as i make other people smile. how ironic...

2006-10-03T22:37:00.000+08:00

maybe we were never really meant to know why we're here on earth in the first place. maybe we were never meant to question life, to question our purpose for breathing. rather than trying to find the meaning of life, maybe we were just supposed to give meaning to our lives.

have you given yours meaning yet? i know i'm trying to get there. it's not even about grades or accomplishments, not even about your future college or the course you choose... it's not even about your career later on in life. it's what you learn as you go through all those, the values you've formed, the priorities you've set and the people you've met.

everything in this world will perish and crossing over to the other side (if there is another side...) will mean leaving behind everything else. you have nothing to bring with you after this life, not even emotions they say. by that time, the only thing you'll have is YOU as a person, as a whole -- only completed by the meaning you've given to your life and how you dealt with everything thrown your path. by that time, will you have anything to show? by that time, will you be complete?

***

"i guess it's true that angels never sleep." that was very sweet...

other people won't understand why certain things mean so much to someone else. other people will never understand... and they don't have to.

2006-09-19T22:26:00.000+08:00

indecisive has never been a word to describe me. past days however have proven that i do have that same flaw -- turning back from a so-called decision. i can hardly call it a decision. only a few days after, i couldn't even manage to stick to that "decision" of mine, only because the situation got me more confused (and everyone else around me, for that matter) than before. but what am i talking about? it's been like this for so long already... that state of mystery. the feeling of never truly knowing what's going on, and yet nonetheless you let things happen, waiting to find the truth. i know i will, someday. maybe, just not today.

***

as much as you wish today would just end, you also wish it never would. what do you fear? tomorrow's challenges. and what are you running away from? today's miseries. but the miseries don't truly bother me anymore. what's truly inspiring is that i'm embracing them. sweet miseries, indeed. a blessing in disguise, they've managed to mold me, help me become who i am today. no one will truly comprehend who i am only because there is that constant drive to be better. no, not to be perfect. just to be better than who i am now, and that's not in terms of academics. as a person. yes, as a person... and no one can say they know me.

today (whose hours seem to last longer than wanted), you can tighten your grip around me. i don't want to runaway from you anymore. i'd rather face you. now, the only thing i have to get over is you, tomorrow. what challenges do you hold for me?

***

not a single day that i'm not busy, not a single day to rest, yet somehow i wouldn't trade it for anything else. don't the thoughts of duties to fulfill and tasks to accomplish exhilirate you? and that feeling you get when you actually do them, and without settling for mediocrity, at that... fulfilled. yes, that's the word.

the minutes have been passing by faster than i would have expected. look at us, we're less than 6 months away from graduation! that day of graduation creates a whole armageddon of anxieties, uncertainties and fears against accomplishment. but that's just it, isn't it? that day will open a whole new door for you, a door you've been wanting to open for so long now. the very same door that your parents and even teachers have been telling you to truly think about... to open not because others want you to, but because you know you want it just as bad.

there it is. do you dare open it? better yet, do you dare enter?

2006-09-14T22:23:00.000+08:00

you're leaving me at a loss for words.

that never happens.

2006-09-10T12:53:00.000+08:00

it's always going to hurt every time you think about it. and even when you've told yourself that it doesn't matter to you anymore, or that you don't pay attention to the thought anymore, you know that you're lying. a single word, line, song, color or anything that you once associated with it just brings it all back, like it happened just yesterday. why can't you let go? you said it yourself, "i don't think on it anymore" and yet that very line makes you think about it again. and you know that with all honesty, you want it and it breaks your heart because you know it will never happen.

hmm... maybe i spoke too soon. :)

2006-09-06T20:51:00.000+08:00

how many more cartoon reruns to watch before i get it through my head that i'm not a kid anymore? how many more words can i read before i realize that they all mean nothing at this point? how many more tears before i stop feeling any more pain? how many more laughs before sincere and lasting happiness falls upon me? how many more dreams to dream before i wake up and face the fact that reality bites? how many more nights of emptiness before i find meaning for myself? how many more lies before i find the truth? how many more times can my heart break before it disintegrates into bitterness? how many more fake smiles before someone can tell that it's fake? how many more procrastinations before i start opening up? how many more knocks before i let you in? how many more i'm-okay's before i admit that i'm not?

***

make me cry. please?

2006-09-04T20:58:00.000+08:00

once upon a time, in a land far away, there lived a princess. now this princess, although had a lot of responsibilities and duties to fulfill, decided to take a break and use her computer (how technologically advanced this kingdom is). upon going online, she was sent a message from a prince of the other kingdom. they had been exchanging messages for a while now... and that's it! HAHAHAHA... bored, sort of.

2006-09-01T15:41:00.000+08:00

it's the third day of my absence from school. it's the first time i've been absent since first year! oh goodness... it's going to be real hard to catch up in school.

"kung ang computer nga, pag sobrang gamit, kailangang patayin, pano pa kaya ikaw?" that's what my mom told me when i got sick. she told me i've been neglecting my health and doing too many things. she says that as much as it is admirable that i am active here and there and that i accomplish a lot of things in so little time, there should always be time to eat and sleep... well, that's kinda hard. for me, at least.

a few realizations: i don't like hospitals. and i don't like tourniquet tests. and i don't like getting my platelet count. and i feel like regurgitating.

well, anywho, i'm not in the hospital anymore so i haven't been doing much except eat (but just a little), sleep, watch tv and use the computer. although earlier, when i tried using the comp, i felt more sick.

2006-08-15T20:12:00.000+08:00

you know how someone just makes you smile for the smallest reason, but that smile lasts for the rest of the day? or how someone asks how you're doing cause they think you're feeling down? you say everything's all right but in fact, everything wasn't... at least not until that person asked how you were... don't you just love'm for it? :)

2006-08-09T22:44:00.000+08:00

for some reason, even in the midst of sincere happiness, a frown (sometimes, sadness tagging along) manages to grace your face. and it bothers other people, especially those who truly care for you. "what's wrong?" they ask with so much concern. and then you stop before you even begin. you somehow let confusion fall upon you and you come to the conclusion that you don't know what's wrong. and it's just eating you up inside... after all, why should you be sad? you have so many reasons to be happy. and then you realize there's that one thing you still can't have. that one thing you still can't understand. the truth.

2006-07-31T20:58:00.000+08:00

shooting stars. yes, it's one of the sky's most beautiful hints of affection. most people aren't aware, but they do happen quite often. the thing is, sometimes you're already there, beneath the stars, waiting for it. and then you blink. it's gone. it went by and you didn't even see it... you didn't even know it. and the hardest part is never knowing when you'll see it again, or if you ever will see it.

just like you...

you're my shooting star

... because you're a once-in-a-lifetime deal. the totality of your personality is truly something. something indeed, for some people will only come upon this totality once in their life... for others, never.

... because you're someone i'm going to remember for the rest of my life. for reasons beyond me, you are engraved in my memory and in my heart.

... because i don't want to miss you. i don't want to let the chance pass by... we're only going to walk this path once in our life, anyway.

... because i'll always be looking out for you. i'll be there, looking up at the skies, waiting.

2006-07-23T21:52:00.000+08:00

i was texting my dad the other night. yeah he's still assigned in australia so he's not home as often as i'd want him to be. well, a couple of times in a few months isn't so bad... others' arrangements are far worse. so anyway, i was texting him and then he sent me this message:

"i'm so glad you're my daughter."

to which i replied:

"i'm so glad you're my dad!"

after a couple of minutes, another message came in. it read:

"then we're meant to be together!"

isn't my dad sweet? he's not an emotional type of guy but sometimes, he doesn't even notice how affectionate he is!

come home, daddy! you're little princess is waiting for you... with a childish grin and a camera.

2006-07-20T22:56:00.000+08:00

sometimes reality will hit you hard in the face. that's because it tried hitting you from behind but for some reason, it couldn't get you to fall flat on your face. and now it's right in front of you and you can't do much but accept it. after all, how can you deny something that's right in front of you already.

but why is it that the reality that i am seeing is not the same reality that others are seeing. screw this! i'm in the process of accepting it already. but then they go and tell me that no, what i'm thinking can't possibly be true... cause i'm thinking "nothing" and they're thinking "something".

different perspectives, i suppose. if it's day for one side of the world, it's gotta be night for the other. for some reason, no light has been shed on this unclear supposed truth. maybe i'm just supposed to let things happen.

yeah. the advice i've often given my friends is the advice that i'll have to give myself...

things will fall into place... they always do, eventually.

2006-07-12T22:56:00.000+08:00

i'm always waiting on something other than this.

why am i feeling like there's something i missed?

2006-07-09T11:16:00.000+08:00

seeing the world through rose colored glasses isn't as hard as most people think it is. it just takes a little more effort to look for that silver lining. besides, being pessimistic doesn't help anyone. trust me. the people who listen to you rant day in and day out will probably be (at least) 95.5% annoyed already. don't get me wrong though... telling someone of your bad encounters is good. it's good to let out some frustrations or anger, rather than bottling it in. but hello! earth to person! you can't just stay there sulking over that whatever. move on! everyone else has! you're leaving yourself behind over some thing that no one bothers about anymore. do yourself a favor. do something else with your life. again, there's always a silver lining. that bad encounter? that's not the end of your life. you have so much more to live for. there are so many things to think of rather than that (for all we know, very pathetic) encounter. look back on that some months after. you'll find yourself laughing at how shallow things were, or how you could have easily found something else to preoccupy yourself with.

time is important. it's not going to wait for you to get over that situation. you have to pick yourself up. time cannot wait for you. even if it wanted to, it's not going to have a choice but to leave you behind.

pick yourself up... too many pieces? i'll help you. like i said, seeing the world through rose colored glasses isn't as hard as most people think it is... not with good friends around.

2006-07-05T21:24:00.000+08:00

just keep smiling.

2006-07-02T21:04:00.000+08:00

the thing about love is, it's either you do or you don't. liking someone is a whole different matter. like is much more complicated. you like someone a little. you like someone a lot. or you like someone as much as you like vegetables. but for love... you can't love someone a little. when you love, you love that person with all your heart. you love 100%. the only problem is realizing whether you love him as a friend or much (much) more than a friend.

you know what? at this point, everything just seems so predictable. if it goes one way, i'm going to end up being hurt, no matter how hard i try to accept it and be happy. if it goes the other way... well, i try not to think that far... surprise me.

2006-06-27T21:24:00.000+08:00

dancing in the moonlight

my youngest sister's birthday is near and she's already thinking of what she wants for a gift. it makes me remember how i DON'T ask for anything when my birthday comes around, even when i was younger. my twin brother, on the other hand, would always know what he wants. it's automatic for him already. it's obvious he had thought about it long before january even steps in. for some reason, when the question "what do you want for your birthday?" is asked, i never know what to say! maybe i'm just shy to really tell someone what i want, or i'm undecided as to what i really want. and because of that, there are certain things that i didn't ask for when i was younger, but STILL want up to now.

my wishlist
1. a music box that plays a sweet lullaby!
2. a diary (as in, with the small padlock and key!)
3. a bunny-stuffed toy... i already have one, but the thing is, it's PINK. and me no likey pink.

ang babaw, noh? i'm happy over small things anyway. =)

2006-06-25T08:19:00.000+08:00

it's 9:21 in the morning as i'm typing this sentence. hmm... what a nice coincidence.

(silly blogger clock... it's behind by almost an hour!)

small things

small things make me happy... and keep me sane. and there will always be something to smile for... or maybe, someone to smile for. right?

2006-06-21T20:36:00.000+08:00

isn't if funny how just a single hello from you is enough to leave me smiling for the rest of the day?

and isn't it funny how you still have me guessing whether you feel the same?

but it's all right, it's okay.

there's nothing wrong with games and play.

but don't let me wait for too long...

i don't want to start singing another song.

though i know that whatever you do,

i'm still going to end up loving you.

written during economics class... =)

2006-06-17T14:35:00.000+08:00

he's the epitome of humility, simplicity and leadership.

i love him and i'll miss him...

(advanced) happy fathers' day!

i love you dad!

2006-06-12T07:55:00.000+08:00

DREAMS LAST FOR SO LONG...

School - To dream that you are in school, signifies a "spiritual learning" experience. If you are still in school and dream about school, then it will naturally serve as a backdrop to your dream world. Alternatively, a dream that takes place in school may be a metaphor for the lessons that you are learning from your waking life.

Crush - To dream that you have a crush on somebody, is a literal reflection of your attraction and fascination for that person. To see your crush in your dream, represents your current infatuation with him or her. If you find yourself thinking about him during the day, then it is understandable that his image will appear in your dream during the night.

Hair - To dream that you have long hair, indicates that you are thinking long and carefully before making some decision. You are concentrating on some plan or situation.

Hand - To dream that you are holding hands with someone, represents your connection with that person. Your dream may also reflect anxieties about losing touch with him/her or that you are drifting apart.

Floor - To see the floor in your dream, represents your support. It may also represent the division between the unconscious and conscious.

Smile - To dream that you or others are smiling, signifies that you are pleased with your achievements and approve of the decisions you have made. You will be rewarded for the good things you've done for others. Alternatively, you may be seeking for something or someone that will make you happy.

Chalkboard - To see a chalkboard in your dream, represents the classroom and the difficulties you may have experienced in school. There is a lesson to be learned from this dream. You may feel that you are being put to the test

from: http://www.dreammoods.com

It's funny how most of the time, when I wake up, I don't remember my dreams anymore. They say that there are stages of sleep. I believe there are 4. There's a certain stage that, if you wake up in the middle of that stage, you will remember your dream! Hmm... it makes me wonder though why the only 2 dreams that I really vividly remember are... those. Yeah, those are elements from 2 of my dreams. One dream, I had about a couple of days ago; the other, probably last January or February. The earlier dream was short. It somehow replicated an event that happened prior to that. Perhaps just an aftermath of the event? But I loved it though! The second dream, I loved even more. Every detail of what was in front of me was very clear. YES. Clarity. For once, at least in my dream, there was clarity. It was beautiful. Truly.

And I'm never going to forget that smile on your face when we were holding hands.

Too bad it was just a dream.

2006-06-08T21:23:00.000+08:00

i want a lunchbox!

hahaha... sorry... childish burst, i know. but i really want one! hmpf. jill gets one... why can't i get one?! oh yeah, jill's only 5 years old. HAHA.

i want to see my friends!

come on school! never thought i'd say that... oh no wait, i always say that! HAHA.

i want more jaaaaaazz!

i am officially a jazz listener. i mean, it's normal for me already to choose jazz over other genres of music. right now, i'm listening to jazz! my sisters think it's weird. "you really are old." they said. yeah well, let it be. my taste of music may make me "old", but my personality is child-like anyway. so it's BALANCED. haha! excuses...

i want to watch lakehouse!

okay, i'm not such a fun of sappy, romantic, love stories, but for some reason the movie lakehouse catches my attention. i haven't watched it yet (thus my want to watch the film), and i've only seen the trailer a couple of times, but still, it seems interesting.

2006-06-05T21:13:00.000+08:00

coded message

cause i'm bored... and i have to get this out, but i don't want other people to understand it.

o, dyo;; om;pbr eoyj ;pior/// s;esud jsbr smf s;esud eo;;.

if you do manage to understand that message. just shut up, okay? tsk. yeah right. people rarely do that these days.

2006-06-04T10:48:00.000+08:00

LAST DAY OF REVIEW CLASSES

yesterday was the best! too bad my brother and his friend were absent... they missed a lot! buti pa si iggy! masipag! haha!

so as the day started, it was quite boring. we were just checking the acet results. it was okay, pero ang baba ko sa math! wala pa atang kalahati... pero okay lang, bawi naman sa quantitative reasoning. perfect! haha! so anywho, around 85% of the class was present, i think. as usual, late ung iba. ehe. medyo sumikip sa seat ko. eh kasi, tumabi ung isang classmate ko sa right ko... eh "aisle" na un. well, in all fairness, he asked if it was okay. acutally, ung isang friend niya, si paolo ata, sabi, "uy, wag ka diyan. baka nasisikipan siya..." parang ganun. tapos sabi ni mikki, "di, okay lang..." tapos lumingon siya sa 'kin, "okay lang ba?" tapos sabi ko okay. so... ayun. what the hell am i complaining about anyway? haha! faye, one thousand! haha! and then towards the break, we were told that we (aa, lsgh and some ateneo students) weren't supposed to be there anymore! nung friday pala ung last day namin! walang hiya talaga! mali kasi ung sinabi sa 'min nung proctor nung isang araw! so i told that day's proctor, "so, pwede na po kami umalis?!" to which she said yes. HA! our other classmates wanted to get out of class, too! haha! so nung nag-break, they followed us at mcdo... and guess what? hindi na sila bumalik sa class! we were actually very noisy in mcdo... we got our "class" picture taken there. the security guard took our picture. di marunong kumuha! hindi ako nakita... ung ilaw kasi eh... haha!

so after some time just talking and taking pictures in mcdo, we finally decided to be considerate and transferred to cantina. dun naman kami nag-ingay. nakakatuwa kasi may tv. and one of our classmates, paolo, was goofing off again. well, he always goofs around anyway. so yeah, he was switching channels... at first, he swtiched it to the nba game... then he switched it to this channel that... er... well, let's just say it's not for an innocent one's eyes. crap, ha. haha! so between switching to the game and other such channels, we watched myx... puro boyband! ano ba!!!! sobra... backstreet boys, nsync, the moffats... basta ung mga ganun! pati nga mmbop pinatugtog eh! panalo si kyle. the song "i'll be there for you" was playing. and then he said, "anong band ba yan?!" tapos kami ni abbie parang, "hello! hindi mo yan kilala?!" haha! tapos hirit ni kyle, "mukhang PEDOPHILE band eh!" HAHAHAHAHA! laugh trip! haha! so anywho... we just ordered some nachos and iced tea... pero may uminom ng san mig, eh. hmm... hindi ako ha. anghel ako. NGYE. hahaha! a couple of minutes later, rofel came by. she just had her nail art done. that was so pretty, though i can't see myself getting one of those... it's just not my thing. haha! so then, umalis na ung ibang ateneans. we just waved goodbye to them. ha. one last eye contact. haha! pero syempre, di sila umalis without making us laugh for one last time. then, abbie also had to go... then around half past 12, i left already... but not without getting invited to karen's house on monday! ain't that great?! hope everyone comes... ;) grabe. BONDING.

I WILL MISS...

the sleepy lectures (yeah right!)

doodling on my notebook

answering the tests

guessing the answers to the tests

the pababaan ng grades... pero talo ako lagi (chamba!)

anjo's kicking my seat or pulling my hair (by accident DAW!)

the sleepy faces of my classmates haha!

the psychotic urges of mikki and paolo

ung pag cut ng classes ng mga classmates

caramel frap and caramel sundae practically everyday

the stolen shots of faye and pixie and abbee

the vanity of faye and pixie and abbee

the evasion of abbie from the camera

ung mga pagkwentuhan para lang maasar ung teacher

meeting old and new friends almost everyday

ALL MY LSC CLASSMATES!

ha. ang drama.

okay lang, may 2 refresher course naman kami eh! haha!

2006-06-01T20:57:00.000+08:00

i'm bored, so i will ramble about my day.

math comprehensive test. i hated it. abbie and i took the test earlier today and we just had to laugh at our results! pero pasang awa pa ko... si abbie, benta! tawa na lang eh! faye and abbee decided to cut classes. tsk. good girls talaga! so, i was seated alone. hmph! and since no one was beside me, guess who anjo decided to bug? duh. me. he kept on kicking my chair. tapos, kakalabitin niya ko. lilingon naman ako. and then i'd give him the can-i-help-you-stare, to which he'd respond by giving me the did-i-say-something-stare. grrrr. so anyway, just as we were about to go home, this guy somewhere to my right was drinking water. and then, i don't know what happened, but he suddenly spit out the water that he was drinking! not such a big deal, right? kaya lang kasi, natalsikan ako nung tubig eh! kadiri talaga! tawa na lang nang tawa ung mga kasama niya. well... those guys laugh a lot anyway. and i mean, a lot. they laugh like there's no tomorrow. but that's fine. comic relief sila. ay, putik, kilig pala! eye contact, man! hahahahahaha! and it was by accident. it took about 1 or 2 seconds before it registered that i was looking and he was looking. and wouldn't you know it, we looked away at practically the same time. sige na, mababaw! bayaan niyo na ko... minsan lang toh!

so after the class, my brother gave me his bag, since he was going somewhere. gawin ba naman akong utusan. hmph! so i went to mcdo to meet up with my friends. i met faye along the way, but she was desperate to eat kfc hotshots! so she went all the way to kfc just for that. haha! so yeah, i was in mcdo with rofel, abbee, margo, nicole and steph... and boy, was i happy! LA was there, too. ha! you gotta love him. he's such a dear! when i sat next to him, he called my brother on the cellphone... "hello? gino? may papakilala ako sa'yo. best girl friend ko..." and then, he handed the phone to me. i said, "hello?" and right at that moment, i heard my brother's surprised voice, "TREX?!" haha! he calls me that a lot. annoying but i'm used to it. boy, was he shocked. haha! so then my baby decided to drop by. AMP. haha! that was a joke. it's comments like those that drove faye into calling me "baby pixie". shucks, that sounds so... hmm... i don't know. is it cute? not really... but yeah, it was a thrill. so anywho, rofel and i shared a caramel sundae, large fries and caramel frap (as usual!). as margo said, i'm apparently their "sponsor" for food. haha! buti na lang mahal ko kayo, kung hindi...

to starbucks we went! we were just chilling there, waiting for my ride. i got introduced to more friends. that was cool. they know my brother from school... it's weird. they were quite surprised to know that we're twins. oh well, aren't they all?

we and some classmates from lsc are planning to go out on saturday! i love them, noelle and the gang. they're a very eccentric bunch. and they're so funny! they admitted that they'd want certain classmates to hang out with us. kayo talaga ha! sabi na eh! hahaha!

oh. and dad's coming home tomorrow!

2006-05-28T16:42:00.000+08:00

rambles

i know someone needs a hug. hahaha!:) hmm... by far, this has been the most emotionally stressful summer i've ever had. yeah, that's right stressful - eustress and distress. wow, health class actually rubbed off on me. don't get me wrong, though. stressful as it may be, it's been quite an exhilirating ride. so many things have been happening in only a matter of weeks. i've been on a roller coaster of polar emotions. sometimes, i dont' know how i'm surviving.

and yeah, maybe eana's right. maybe i'm just covering up. i can't help it though. defense mechanism, man.

seven years

by norah jones

Spinning, laughing, dancing to her favorite song

A little girl with nothing wrong

Is all alone
Eyes wide open

Always hoping for the sun

And she'll sing her song to anyone

that comes along
Fragile as a leaf in autumn

Just fallin' to the ground

Without a sound
Crooked little smile on her face

Tells a tale of grace

That's all her own
Spinning, laughing, dancing to her favorite song

A little girl with nothing wrong

And she's all alone

2006-05-27T10:21:00.000+08:00

i am fate's favorite victim.

2006-05-20T21:54:00.000+08:00

computer files

oh my goodness gracious (that's the new phrase i blurt out instead of the usual "shit shit shit!"). all our files were deleted from the computer just last night! craaaap! as in, lahat. pictures, files, programs... LAHAT! grrrrrrrrr... ayos na siya ngayon, pero asar pa rin.

review

2nd week of review is over. it's okay, i guess, although my scores are not good. haha! pano naman kasi, hindi sineseryoso, lalo na pag lecture, hindi nakikinig. ano ginagawa ko? nagdo-drawing! duh, lagi naman eh. tsaka pag-test, ginagawan namin ni abbee ng pattern ung mga sagot (like aa-bb-cc-dd... haha!). bahala na lang sa "report card day".

faye and abbee are life savers. they always hmm... how can i put it... they always "protect" me. hindi kasi maiiwasan na makita ang sobrang daming tao sa katipunan eh. pero buti nandun sila. at least i can get through those moments unscathed. but i'm okay now. i swear. it's not a big deal anymore.

*COUGHCLASSPICTUREPLEASECOUGH*

jazz

addicted na ko sa jazz! putik, hinalungkat ko lahat ng lumang cds ni mama tsaka ni daddy. ang sarap kasi pakinggan eh. ano ba yan. sabi nga nung friend ko, "rock tapos ngayon naman jazz... tumatanda ka na nga!" haha! ang sama talaga nung mokong na yun. pero seryoso, masarap makinig sa jazz. i mean, i still love rock music, just as before, but hey! expanding my horizons isn't so bad.

the da vinci code

NAPANOOD KO NA! hahahahaha! sorry na, ganyan talaga pag may mga "kilala" ka... hahaha! no, i'm just really lucky. but really, how did i get to watch? uhm... basta! haha! and no, i didn't buy any pirated dvds or whatever. swear. haha!

inspired amp.

inspired daw ako (mga walang hiya kayo!). pero ung totoo, ngayon lang ulit ako nakakatapos ng drawings. there are 2 events that could have triggered this. one negative, another positive... pero secret ko na kung ano un. haha! di niyo na kailangan malaman. basta!

2006-05-13T01:09:00.000+08:00

nikki and me at mcdo last wednesday

i love it when it rains! finally, a few things going my way. so anywho, this week has been interesting, i suppose. although i'd really much rather stay at home and sleep till noon, attending review classes (and sleeping in the classroom till noon) isn't so bad either! haha! hmm... this week was mcdo week for me and faye. next week, we're switching venues but i don't know exactly where just yet.

hmm... let's see...

monday. first day of review classes. my brother and i were extremely sleepy. oh, did i mention my twin brother and i are in the same class? so anywho, we took the diagnostic test for the whole session. grabe, wala man lang break. asar pa talaga ung iba, sobrang ingay! they were so noisy that there was a point wherein i glared at one of the guys contributing to the noise. whoops. haha! it wasn't intentional (honest!). well afterwards, i was supposed to meet up with redj. but then she had a change in schedule so that was cancelled. but faye and i still went to mcdo... and faye saw... hahaha! gusto ko sana asarin si faye, eh! papaupuin ko sana siya sa tabi namin, kaya lang, baka mamatay si faye. haha! oh, and i was also caramel-high that day, if i'm not mistaken.
*

tuesday. math! haha! it was okay, although half way through the lecture, i was already falling asleep. the words "you may leave" from the teacher were music to my ears. after that, we headed to mcdo. this time, eana visited me! her review's over so she's pretty much got some time in her hands. well, a lot of my other batchmates were there as well. after a while though, eana and i went to starbucks already, until the driver came to fetch me.
*

wednesday. math na naman! so nothing new there... except i was wearing pink, which faye and the others made a big deal out of. although i still don't understand why they love that color so much. oh well. anywho, redj and i finally got to talk! and she's right. unfair! haha! well, not much i can do. after all, i really did not do anything. haha! i was again, caramel-high. no one stops me from buying caramel sundae!
*

thursday. math test! during our break, abbee, abbie, faye and i all made a deal. pababaan! whoever gets the highest score will have to treat the others. asar, mapapagastos pa tuloy ako. next week na lang, faye, ha? promise! haha! well, afterwards, mcdo ulit (kaya nga mcdo week, diba?). i saw rofel and the others yet again. after that, my brother and i went to la salle greenhills. wah! there was this guy who was really really adorable! i wanted to cuddle him! he was so cute! did i mention he's around 4 years old?! haha! kala mo, ha!
**

friday. finally, english na! what a relief it was. panalo kami ni faye! nung umaga, nawalan kami ng gana, kasi wala ung crush namin (the same guy i glared at last monday... what a twist of events!). ehe. 11am. he came. hahaha! eto pa, kinausap pa kami... hiningi ung chair na nasa tabi namin. haha! natuwa pa! sorry na, mababaw na! haha! that's it... we have to have a class picture! right, abbee?! haha! well... mcdo again after the review. i had fun goofing around with rofel and raf (new friend!). kasi naman, caramel-high ulit ako! haha! we saw claudine barretto in starbucks as well... wala lang!
**

well, the whole week, i saw too many people. did you read that? too many people! haha!

2006-05-08T22:19:00.000+08:00

i'm sleepy... naubos na energy ko. ang gulo gulo ko pa man din kanina. pano ba naman kasi, nung lunch, nag-caraml sundae ako. tapos nung nagkita kami ni redj, nag-caramel frap naman ako. sumobra na ng onti (onti lang naman!), kaya buong maghapon, ang hyper ko na! napagtripan ko pa nga si faye eh... hahaha! joke lang kasi yon, faye! ewan. they're absolutely correct. i'm addicted. :) tapos ngayon... wala na, ubos na energy. gusto ko na matulog. but the thought of waking up early tomorrow and having review classes somehow extinguishes the urge to sleep. hmm... weird. anywho, the review's not that bad, i suppose. but then again, it's only been a day. baka sa isang linggo, iba na tono ng boses ko. haha!

i'm in love with jazz and the blues. :) so maybe my taste in music is changing. not that i can't appreciate the newer songs. but you gotta admit, there are a lot of good songs from the previous decades! wala naman kasi masyadong mainstream na jazz or blues artists eh. actually, lately, i haven't heard any song that catches my attention on the radio... oh well. maybe it's just me and my very picky personality.

hmm... and i quote shakespeare:

for you and i are past our dancing days.

(Romeo and Juliet)

ang labo! biglang switch sa shakespeare... hahaha! looks like i'm still caramel-high. :)

2006-05-05T23:17:00.000+08:00

kamille ignacio... as requested!

name: nike! (i gave him the name. it's so so cute!)
gender: male (so if we get a girl, the name will be fila... weh!)
age: 5 months
color: er... yellow-ish white
eyes: silver... or sky blue? (sooooo beautiful!)

and to answer your question as to how i got him... here's the deal. you know i've been begging for a siberian husky since first year high school, right? actually, sabi ko dati, "ma, gusto ko ng wolf" tapos syempre sabi ni mommy, "anong wolf?! hindi pwede wolf! hindi yun pet!" tapos sabi ko naman, "aah... eh di siberian husky na lang! para mukhang wolf!" kala ko hindi na aangal, pero sabi niya, "anak, nakakatakot un! mukhang wolf eh!" ang labo! hahaha! basta yun. tapos lagi ako nagpaparinig talaga na gusto ko ng husky. eh last week, may nadaanan kaming pet store na may siberian husky na puppy... sobrang natuwa siya, kasi ang cute daw! sabi ko "kita mo na?! sabi sayo cute eh!" hahaha! tapos after some convincing... nakuha ko na rin! yay! hahaha!

2006-05-05T12:39:00.000+08:00

icon by pixie.
i'll be spending what's left of my summer having review classes. that just sucks!

oh oh oh! i finally got a siberian husky!:) after 3 years of begging from my parents, i finally got one! hahahahaha!:) hmph... sobrang high maintenance! he has to sleep inside the house para airconditioned. lucky him! haha!:)

that's all. very short post... i'll be going out with some friends tonight. wala lang... dinner lang sa eastwood. and then tomorrow night, i'll be going to ate joy's debut... happy birthday to you! para sa'yo ate joy, bumili pa ko ng dress!!! hahaha! masama pa ang loob... haha!:)

2006-04-28T22:40:00.000+08:00

i got my books for next school year earlier today. all i can say is wow. haha! tapos na pala ang third year! ang bilis... parang gusto ko pang ulitin ung buong year (keywrod: parang).

you know what? boredom can also make people do creative (yet admittedly weird) things. i made that picture collage since i've done everything i'm supposed to do. those pictures are from most (if not all) the activities we had during our junior year. admit it... it was the one of the best school years! the many activities made it all the more fun...

(left-right, top-bottom)
induction of officers
leadership training
feast of the assumption
book week costumes
noli me tangere monologue
recollection overnight
publicity committee band screening
intramurals
halloween party
publicity committee promotions
school fair
handog presentation
class encounter
vigil and dawn mass
english tea party
grade 7 legacy concert
the juniors' night
teachers' day
entrepreneurship
ojt at friday's
seniors legacy concert
gawad kalinga

then... there were days na wala lang! masaya pa rin kahit puro kalokohan ang naririnig sa classroom o, kahit pare-parehong mukha nakikita mo araw-araw...

classroom antics
swimming classes
"gala" days
project making fiasco
all those meetings!!

and i'm glad it was with these people that i shared all those important memories with. heck, they even made my birthday mean a lot (considering i don't ever make a big deal out of my birthday) cause i spent it with them.

january 21 - lunch with friends

i do hope that they still end up being my classmates.

gotta love the babygurls:)

2006-04-23T18:42:00.000+08:00

i'm sick... and it's summer. not a good combination.

randoms
i don't want to take up review classes
i'd like to go out with friends... again:P
i have no dress yet for ate joy's 18th (hehehe)
i'm loving jazz and the blues
i feel like my head is spinning

2006-04-17T21:38:00.000+08:00

subic was fun!:)

anywho... i've been reading all sorts of things since i have nothing better to do. i've read some of my parents' old psychology books that they never bothered to read, my brother's old novels that were required by their school, and some of my own books (which i've read a million times already). and oh, i found this one from the internet:

A university creative writing class was asked to write a concise essay containing the following elements:

1. Religion
2. Royalty
3. Sex
4. Mystery

The prize-winning essay read: "My God," said the Queen, "I'm pregnant. I wonder who did it?"

hahaha! wala lang. natawa lang ako... :p

2006-04-15T16:53:00.000+08:00

i miss the little mermaid... haha! what a weird intro. anyway, i've been listening to disney soundtracks again. so now, i am currently hooked on "for a moment" from the little mermaid 2. i love the little mermaid (1 and 2)! i don't know if it's true... pero pag swimmer ka daw, paborito mo talaga yung little mermaid. well, in my case, that's true. i love swimming... and i miss training!:( waaah...

2006-04-10T16:21:00.000+08:00

LEAP OF FAITH.
this is for kristine mae escala garcia.

hey tin... it's been 2 years since you boarded that plane destined for canada... 2 years na pala, noh? ang bilis!

sometimes, i miss you terribly and i'd hope that you'd come back already. especially when i'd remember times like back in first year, when we had that field trip -- nung nahilo ka dun sa sugar building whatever! tapos ginamit ko ung hanky ko para malagyan ng dry ice kasi hindi mo mahawakan, pero gusto mo mahawakan! or when we had our class encounter... our first night as a barkada -- nung ang daming "kababalaghan" na nangyari... panalo! takot na takot ka pa nun! hahaha!

sometimes, i'm happy you're there. not because i don't want you here (God knows i want you back by the time i have my debut!), but because i know you're happy with your new set of friends. and i'm pretty sure they're happy to have you there... sa pictures pa lang na sinend mo sa kin, halata namang ang saya saya mo diyan eh!

wala lang. it's just really fun to remember all the things that we did together... all the silly things we said... all the occasions and events we went to, like the legacy of both the 7th graders and the seniors! oh, and do you still remember the silly language we made up? ill... tout ce que... whenever... hahaha! miss that... wala na akong kausap ng ganun eh!

but you know what? there are really certain occasions that i wish you were with us. like the juniors' night... intrams... all that! but that's okay... good thing we both got good digicams!;)

bottom line tin: I MISS YOU! i hope you're having a great time there... bumalik ka para sa debut ko, ha?! don't forget my leaf from the last 2 autumns!;)

i kept my promise.

2006-04-05T22:08:00.000+08:00

DADDY'S COMING HOME!

hahahahahahahahaha! that means...

LOTSA CARAMEL FOR ME!

the picture above depicts what happens when you leave a 17 year old girl alone with her digicam, a few sweets (okay, maybe a lot) and a whole evening with her equally bored cousins.

2006-04-03T17:49:00.000+08:00

isn't that just cute?! hahaha! actually, jill couldn't spell my name... so she had to approach me and ask me how i spell it. that was last saturday when they came over to... well, just do nothing! hahaha! well, we did something... kumain ng kumain!

ooooh! ooooh! ooooh! dad's coming home this friday! hahaha!:)

2006-04-01T23:14:00.000+08:00

funny enough, i'm still as psychotic as ever, which is cool considering that i was devastated just a couple of days ago. well, i'm not one to sulk anyway. besides, how can you be sad with family and friends around? i had a great week because of them.

but that doesn't take away the fact that i am still confused.

2006-03-28T20:39:00.000+08:00

icon by pixie.

i'm gonna love you more than anyone. i'm gonna hold you closer than before.

and when i kiss your soul, your body'll be free. i'll be free for you anytime.

i'm gonna love you more than anyone...

i am currently in a state of confusion.

2006-03-26T21:19:00.000+08:00

i'm surprised i cried over it. would you believe me, of all people, would manage to cry over this?! sometimes, i forget i'm human. i'm human and it's only now that i'm starting to realize that, because it's only now that it's hurting like a thousand thorns piercing through your heart. who cares if the thorns were attached to a lovely rose? the pain inflicted by the thorns is greater than the beauty the rose can offer.

2006-03-25T07:56:00.000+08:00

i can't truly comprehend where to begin. it's difficult to try and understand what you're thinking... which is odd, if you think about it, considering you are the one concocting the ideas.

i am disappointed with my own actions towards the situation. i haven't been as friendly or as open. i suppose i'm scared to trust. but you can't blame me! i'm absolutely clueless. i know nothing about it. no one's telling me anything. and i truly believe i should know something... anything... about this! and as much as i want to believe, i can't. it's hard when no one's talking. hmm... oh no, scratch that. as much as i DO believe, i'm scared. i'm scared that there's nothing after all.

seeing is believing, they said. but what about faith -- believing without seeing.

2006-03-24T20:22:00.000+08:00

jill was so adorable earlier. she called me at home (i assume her brother dialled our phone number for her). it was the silliest little conversation ever:

pixie: hello?
jill: wait lang...
pixie: ok...
jill: uhm... tita leynette?
pixie: no... i'm not tita leynette.
jill: uh... ok!
pixie: kilala mo ba ako?
jill: oo... si patricia.
pixie: wow, pano mo nalaman?
jill: kasi ung voice mo eh.
pixie: ah talaga? so... bakit?
jill: uhm wala lang. just wanted to ask if when is your birthday (yes, that's how she said it.)
pixie: birthday ko? january 20...
jill: when's your birthday?
pixie: jan20... tapos na!
jill: aaah...
pixie: you were there, diba? don't you remember?
jill: no... di ko na maalala.
pixie: pumunta ka dito sa house... ung maraming people.
jill: aaah. ok. bye!
sabay baba ng phone.

wasn't that just cute? hahaha! i suppose she's bored... just as half the student population is. well, that doesn't include me, thankfully. it's the first summer that i have not found one moment to be bored. i am either busy (honestly!), out with my friends, or happily immobile... haha!

2006-03-21T20:03:00.000+08:00

kinda reminds you of romeo and juliet, noh?

2006-03-18T17:19:00.000+08:00

and all of a sudden, you lose hope again! what the hell was that?! ang bilis nga naman talaga magbago... and i thought everything was falling into place. but... a big BUT at that...but silly silly me had to go over some things... and now i feel like i'm going to burst into nothing out of pure, extreme... gaaaah! never mind. haha that was very unclear. i know. but i truly stand by what i've told them before: it's hard! everything's on the other side. and if that's the case but things still push through, then... that'd be a one hell of a miracle!

i suppose i should just have faith: belief without basis. haha whatever.

playing the piano helps release anger, believe me. especially if you play long classical pieces by beethoven.

2006-03-11T21:04:00.000+08:00

sometimes you don't understand yourself, or why you do certain things, until you actually talk about it. you suddenly hear yourself rationalizing your actions. you suddenly hear yourself say things that you never wanted to say, never wanted to admit that you truly felt. and the worst part is, you know you're not fabricating a single thing. they're all your thoughts, thoughts that have waited years to finally be uttered, but weren't, because you tried to defend the situation, to protect what you loved, only to realize that you were losing them in the process. denial. yes, that's what they call it. and now it's taken its toll on me. perhaps you can say it has been for the better, since, after all, i find that i have been pushing myself for the better. i find myself striving to go beyond my comfort zone, beyond my familiarity, to take risks not just for myself but for other people. but you sometimes can't help but feel that twinge of pain in your heart because you know that no matter what achievements you garner, or no matter how much praise you receive, it will never make up for all the lost time.

it makes you thankful that there are a lot of people around you who can manage to take that pang of agony away from your heart, and even for just a few moments, make you forget about it... it's funny because they don't even know you're going through any kind of pain, or that they're helping relieve it. and that just makes you love them even more.

2006-03-08T20:06:00.000+08:00

i won the elections.

2006-03-05T17:37:00.000+08:00

you gotta learn how to smile and laugh even when there's just so many things to do, so many things to think of, so many things to remember. there's should always be that one moment in a day wherein you'll just have to act stupid and later on burst out in unreasonable laughter.

well, at least, for me, that has to happen. otherwise, i wouldn't be as sane as i am now (if you could call me sane).

i find peace when i'm confused.

2006-02-25T14:21:00.000+08:00

the days draw nearer and its closing the gap between today and what's in store for me. the next 2 weeks will write down the path i will take in the next few months to come. and if God does give me what i'm striving for, then i will have no choice but to accept it with all humility, and at the same time prepare myself for inevitable sacrifice.

all i ask is for His guidance, because i know very well that i cannot do it alone. to venture alone into that deep, vast ocean is suicide. and it gives me great comfort that i am not in this alone. the support that others have given me has definitely boosted my confidence and helped me think that yes, i do have a chance.

2006-02-19T21:47:00.000+08:00

i am running for secretary of the

student council of assumption antipolo school year 2006-2007.

wish me all the luck. oh no wait, i'll need more than luck... i need a miracle!

2006-02-18T15:16:00.000+08:00

the juniors' night 05-06

a midsummer night's dream

it's been about a week now but i can tell you that the whole night has been practically engraved in my mind. it was truly memorable... all our hardwork paid off -- from meetings every weekends, to so many paperwork and editing, brainstorming for programs, auditions, and even the making of all those sequins. the venue looked great, by the way! i loved the ceiling, with all the shimmery sequins, imitating stars winking down upon us. but it was the small things that happened that night which i will surely remember.

i don't want to be all detailed about the event... so let me just ramble quickly...

promdate forgot invitation. box of caramel crisps. difficulties in wearing corsage. long photobooth wait. opening prayer onstage. first dance. candid shot -- so cute. video presentation. chocolate fountain. dancing like crazy. dancing barefoot. pink ribbon. you and me. laughs with buds. mobile remix. awarding ceremony. last dance. sort-of-cinderella curfew. no caramel frap for me!:(

my promdate owes me one caramel frap! haha!

i wouldn't have had it in any other way

that's what i sent my promdate when he asked if i had fun. well definitely, i did! i do hope he had as much fun. and he gave a good impression on my parents, so all's well!

cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do, nothing to lose
and it's you and me and all of the people, and i don't know why i can't keep my eyes off of you.

2006-02-07T20:40:00.000+08:00

sometimes you just feel like your heart is breaking into a million pieces. and you just know that you can't put them back together, not the way it used to be. how can it be that something seemingly small can pierce you like a thousand daggers all at once? you'd wish that you never even knew about it, never laid eyes on it, never even heard of it. but then, you have to face reality. you did. so what are you going to do about it? sulk? cry? hell no. not me. i'm not going to cry... not in front of others.

2006-02-02T21:42:00.000+08:00

history
we've been studying world history for some months now. it just makes me think that history is so one-sided. it's very bias, with national bias being the most conspicuous. i think it was my history teacher who told us that history is written by the victors. what about the losers? shouldn't there be an unbias account of their story? i mean, the winners would not have been winners without the losers, right?

i think it was winston churchill who said, "history will be kind to me for i intend to write it." he was also the one who said, "the one thing we have learned from history is that we don't learn from history." think "history repeats itself". i don't really know if this is true but, from the way i see it, i really do think that people don't seem to learn from history! and that's not just about world history. that also goes for the everyday lives of people... they never seem to learn their lesson! hahaha! it makes me wonder, how many times can one person commit the same mistake over and over again? wouldn't it be pathetic if you kept on doing something incessantly, although you know there's something wrong with it... which reminds me of something**. i'll get to it after this topic...

but hey, give some credit to fate's creativity. at least most events in history have a uniqueness to them. i mean, no 2 events happened in exactly the same way, because of the same reason. i mean, i haven't heard of anything like that just yet. and i guess when history repeats itself, there's always the chance to, in a way, make up for last time's flaws.

**i got to watch the advance screening of jet li's "fearless". and that's what the story was about. jet li's character made a grave mistake, practically ruining his life, everything he had to live for. and second time around, he was pretty much left in the same crossroad as before. did he learn from his lesson? hmm... watch the movie so that you'll know! it's a great movie. one of my favorites. i actually liked it better than "memoirs of a geisha", although that's an excellent movie as well (i've been watching too much movies lately).

2006-01-28T22:10:00.000+08:00

everybody's searching for intimacy.
intimacy

whenever i call you friend... and that's all i need to show me why.
whenever i call you friend

i want you to want me for all that i am. i hope that you will try to understand. do you feel the same?
???

it's the first time i ever felt this lonely. i wish someone would cure this pain.
too much to ask

i'm naked around you. does it show?
naked

my heart is broken, i'm lying here. my thoughts are choking on you, my dear.
together

one of these days, i won't be afraid of staying with you.
one of these days

something 'bout the way you looked at me made me think for a moment that maybe we were meant to be... i missed my chance and chances are it won't be coming back to me.
desperately

you turned out to be more than i bargained for. and i can tell that you need to get away. forgive me if i admit that i'd love to love you.
hotel paper

waiting for the answer... it's a leap of faith when you believe that someone cares.
leap of faith

sweet misery you cause me... and in my heart i see what you're doing to me. and in my heart i see just how you wanted it to be... sweet misery.
sweet misery

and when the stars fall, i will lie awake. you're my shooting star.
goodbye to you

don't ask. it's called boredom, i believe.

2006-01-27T18:01:00.000+08:00

dad's coming home!
dad's coming home tomorrow... it's been about 3 weeks, i think, since he left. he had to miss my brother and i's 17th birthday. it's fine, i'm getting used to it. but that doesn't mean i like the arrangement.

for the record, my dad doesn't work in australia. he's work takes him to australia... get it?

school work
oh where do i begin? there are so many things piling up already. and i have to do better since my grades during the third quarter are shockingly lower than what i usually get.

i've been trying my best to change my study habits and i've tried working on my school work as soon as i finish resting... thing is, sometimes, that resting can lead to hours. haha! not that i do it intentionally. i just doze off sometimes. haha!

and then there's that history term paper. rofel and i are still searching for a good topic. rofel seems to like theories a lot. she gave me all these links with so many theories. it's fine, but i'd prefer we get a topic on philosophy. anyway, i'm sure we'll come to a compromise.

on top of these schoolwork, the committee heads for the prom are starting to feel the pressure. the juniors' night is barely 3 weeks away! we have to finish our tasks as soon as possible. as for my committee, the program committee, i'm positive we'll be done by next week. after that, we can lend a hand to the other committees, if they wish.

which reminds me, i have a meeting tomorrow with the prom coregroup and the parent representatives. i don't want to go! i have a slight fever right now, but i have the strangest feeling that by tomorrow, it'll be gone. so i'll probably be healthy enough to go... even though i don't want to. haha! but, i guess i don't have much of a choice.

prom
speaking of the prom... uhm, well nothing. i don't really have much to say about the prom, just that the only thing i'm missing are my shoes. i don't really want to wear heels, because i might end up tripping, but no other kind of shoe would look good with my dress. oh well. it's just one night anyway... so yeah, the only thing i'm missing are the shoes... and i haven't chosen a hairstyle yet! and... what else... oh, i haven't given the invitation to my promdate yet... i'll probably give it on the 11th. haha! i told him that already anyway, so it's fine. and... uhm... what else, what else... oh yeah, i have to get a buttonair (is that how you spell it??) for him.

hmm... marami pa rin pala! kala ko sapatos na lang... haha!

caramel
i have been craving for anything caramel since last night. and... i'm hungry...

so goodbye! i will eat now!:)

2006-01-22T16:07:00.000+08:00

headache
wouldn't you know it, i'm sick! since friday evening, i haven't been feeling well. and then yesterday, my condition got worse. i barely even ate anything yesterday because i felt a bit sick. and well, today, i just hope i can go to school in the proper state of mind.

shots from yesterday

me and arianne at mocha blends. my sister insisted we go there. that would have been all well and good if it wasn't for the fact that she used my money to buy a drink. and oh! oh! oh! arianne has a crush on my cousin, joshua! hahaha!

in our car. me, faye, arianne and my sister over at the back seat, seeming to be lost in her own little world. well, we seem to be stuck in our own little world as well... you know, the girls-all-smiling-for-the-camera-world.

who took this shot? i didn't really know that someone fooled around with my phone, until the next day. i found out later on that it was arianne who was messing with my camera. oh she took so many shots. some of which i should not post here. medyo pg-13! haha!

louie, my promdate, and me. ka-text ko pala siya nung umaga, hindi ko pa alam. reply naman ako! his number didn't register when his messages were sent, although in my phonebook, tama naman ung number. hmm, go figure.

2006-01-18T21:51:00.000+08:00

ramble
how come you feel things you're not supposed to feel? i mean, why does someone feel so angry when there's nothing to be angry about? or feel frustrated when you don't even know why? sometimes, it's just not fair. true, most people feel this way -- emotion without reason. but it's not fair. because while others feel so terrible without the "right" to do so, some people are extremely mirthful without any real reason. why is it not fair? it's not fair only because some people don't seem to have the capability to be happy. because unlike other emotions, happiness is a decision. you can't just go on for the rest of your life, searching for happiness. you have to start it. it's your choice.

i'm not entirely sure why i typed that one. it just suddenly poured out. nothing personal actually.

countdown
approximately 1 day and 2 hours left before...

2006-01-15T13:51:00.000+08:00

remy and rogue
that's one of the more dramatic and morbid illustrations of rogue and remy/gambit of x-men. i couldn't help but post it. i am too big a fan of x-men. and i'm too big a fan of rogue and gambit! i love this illustration, in particular... they practically died together. haha okay, enough of the oddities.

quarterly tests
i will study, i swear.
i will study, i swear.
i will study, i swear.
i will study, i swear.

maybe if i say it enough, i'll actually do it... haha!

2006-01-11T18:53:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

ELISE DOROTEO!

missed you today in school...

2006-01-10T22:51:00.000+08:00

aw crap, ang sweet. why'd that have to happen? hmm...

midsummer slumber
i'm almost done with my english project. just a few more edits and tweaks... i'm not totally happy with it, but then again, i'm not all that good in html... so suffer, pix. haha!

a picture from last school year. i was going to include this in my english project but decided not to... holy shoots, the school year's almost over again! gaaaah... that means... gagawa na naman ako ng closing speech!!! hahaha! sisiguraduhin ko mag-iiyakan ang mga tao... hahaha!

2006-01-07T16:55:00.000+08:00

committee
ah back to committee work! i love it to no end. well no, not the publicity committee. the program committee for the prom! ha, we've got lotsa work to do... and i'm waiting for our facutly counterpart to do his job so we can get on with other things.

anyway, yesterday, we ended the auditions for those who wanted to perform during the prom. sumayaw sila BERNADETTE AMADOR! haha there, special mention! haha! well, all i can say is, i loved laughing all throughout the dance. don't get me wrong, they were excellent. but bern was just funny... bading! haha!

english life story
well not really my whole life. but our english teacher is requiring us to write about at least 3-4 experiences that really made an impact. normally, i'd get to writing at once. but for some reason, i can't think of 4 experiences... i've only come up with 2:

my mom's cancer scare (2003)
tin's moving away (2004)

my classmates kept on mentioning something else that made an impact. yeah right. it wasn't that big an impact. asar talaga ang mga... pang-aasar nila. hmm... that was... redundant. anyway... point is, they want nothing more than to annoy me. wow, i feel so loved by them (note sarcasm). haha!

2006-01-04T17:49:00.000+08:00

ah.
i'm scared... and bothered. cause... gaaah! faye knows why. and... i don't know. i mean, yeah i know why i'm bothered, but i don't know what to do about it. stupid thoughts...

2005-12-30T18:11:00.000+08:00

2005-12-28T14:22:00.000+08:00

a reason.

why is there never enough reason?

a reason

to be angry or happy

to be sad or to cry

not enough reason

to write or to read

nor enough reason

to just do nothing.

why can't it be?

to be angry or happy

to be sad or to cry

to write or to read

or to just do nothing

for NO reason at all?

***

when boredom strikes, it hits you hard. and sometimes, it can leave you idle, doing nothing for yourself or anyone else. and occasionally, those lucky ones find the time and drive to do other things, whether of great importance or not... like fixing your room, reading a book or two, and maybe continuing their long-postponed writing.

2005-12-24T21:58:00.000+08:00

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

to everyone

especially to those spending it away from their family...

merry christmas, tita chie. i miss you.

and to that other someone i am missing greatly...

merry christmas teeny.

2005-12-23T13:54:00.000+08:00

kamille ignacio had some fun yesterday as we were chatting through ym with our webcams on. ignorant me had no idea that she could get webcam stills and PUT THEM IN HER MULTIPLY. oh you are one sneaky little she-wolf! and you just had to get those stills wherein i looked the stupidest, didn't you??? haha! it's not my fault, okay?! kam kam was typing the silliest things and i was laughing and smiling and all... and yes, i looked like an idiot doing all that in front of the computer... gaaah. evil. too bad that after a while, my sister started poking around the settings of the webcam... haha! you could barely make out my face after that! oh well. kam, vengeance will be mine.

*cue evil hiei laughter*

2005-12-22T11:46:00.000+08:00

some pictures from the vigil and dawn mass...

oh, this one's priceless. chinkay, you never looked better.

arianne! para kang bata!!

me and faye

this is the view from our classroom. :)

2005-12-22T11:35:00.000+08:00

divine comedy
my relatives really do think i'm a nerd. my uncle gave me books for christmas! haha! he got me 2/3 of the divine comedy: inferno and paradiso. he said there was no purgatoryo in the bookstore. oh well! i started reading it last night pero hanggang intro pa lang ako... i stopped reading because a certain tv show was on (9pm). coughkamcough.

my twin brother...
is very annoying!!!!! crap, he won't even let me use the computer for too long. he claims that i've been using it for the last 10 months for way too long. well that's not my fault! it was important stuff coughsometimescough. but still... all he ever does is play those online games. hmph. evil twin indeed... oh no, not my brother. i was referring to myself. i'm the evil twin. haha.

sick
i'm siiiiiiiiiiiick! i have boredomiosis! haha kidding. well, actually yeah, i have that (woohoo). but i also have coughs. *grumble* now i can't eat chocolate. which is bad. because my siblings will devour it before i get to. oh well.

dad's home
yay! dad's home. he's spending christmas with us! for a while, i was scared that he wouldn't... but he's back! haha! kaya lang sabi niya wala daw siya sa birthday namin ni kuya... hmmm... why does he have to be gone on jan.20? oh well. which reminds me, before he leaves, he has to meet my promdate. gaaaaaaaaah. now i'm scared. no, not for louie. i'm scared for me. my mom might start telling stories about my... uh... weirdness.

oh humiliation, here i come.

2005-12-20T16:24:00.000+08:00

christmas
it's only 5 days away... and well, i don't feel as excited as i would in previous years. but, i still love christmas. because i'm pretty sure that, just as the years before, we'll spend the morning visiting relatives and then in the evening, have a christmas party in cavite. and i love that! i love going to cavite cause the house is way cool and the weather is always great. plus, my cousins will be there!

vigil/dawn mass
pamatay! i am so sleepy. but it was great nonetheless. and again, umiral ang pagiging cam-freaks ng mga kaibigan ko... although i haven't uploaded it cause when i got home, i was too lazy and too sleepy (slept at around 1230 and woke up at 315).

uhrm... random randomness
i'm loving photography.
i don't want to go back to school in january!!
i don't want to get my test results... haha!
i'm sleepy...
people gave me lots of chocolates... (bad decision! maha-hyper ako niyan!)
i want a digicam badly.
jamie's back!
my cousin, vince is... haha! (uuy.)
for our class kris kringle, i got marie! haha!

hrm... what else?

oh yeah. i have a promdate already (gah so many details to work out).

2005-12-18T12:48:00.000+08:00

Your Personality Profile

You are elegant, withdrawn, and brilliant.

Your mind is a weapon, able to solve any puzzle.

You are also great at poking holes in arguments and common beliefs.

For you, comfort and calm are very important.

You tend to thrive on your own and shrug off most affection.

You prefer to protect your emotions and stay strong.

The World's Shortest Personality Test

Your Birth Month is January

You are a natural leader who is able to stand up when no one else can.

Strong and powerful, you tend to overshadow those around you.

Your soul reflects: deep love, fascination with life, and a distinctive persona

Your gemstone: Garnet

Your flower: Snowdrop

Your colors: Black, dark red, and dark blue

What Does Your Birth Month Mean?

Your Birthdate: January 20

You are a virtual roller coaster of emotions, and most people enjoy the ride.

Your mood tends to set the tone of the room, and when you're happy, this is a good thing.

When you get in a dark mood, watch out - it's very hard to get you out of it.

It's sometimes hard for you to cheer up, and your gloom can be contagious.

Your strength: Your warm heart

Your weakness: Trouble controlling your emotions

Your power color: Black

Your power symbol: Musical note

Your power month: February

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Your Hidden Talent

You have the power to persuade and influence others.

You're the type of person who can turn a whole room around.

The potential for great leadership is there, as long as you don't abuse it.

Always remember, you have a lot more power over people than you might think!

What's Your Hidden Talent?

Your Brain's Pattern

You have a dreamy mind, full of fancy and fantasy.

You have the ability to stay forever entertained with your thoughts.

People may say you're hard to read, but that's because you're so internally focused.

But when you do share what you're thinking, people are impressed with your imagination.

What Pattern Is Your Brain?

You are Agnostic

You're not sure if God exists, and you don't care.

For you, there's no true way to figure out the divine.

You rather focus on what you can control - your own life.

And you tend to resent when others "sell" religion to you.

What's Your Religious Philosophy?

2005-12-18T11:33:00.000+08:00

new layout
thanks eana for the help! now our bloggies match! haha!

2005-12-15T19:51:00.000+08:00

too much chocolate in one day
i got a chocolated-coated caramel one from annette.
3 kisses (the hershey kisses. duh.) from sir pe'tah - with the english accent, man! haha!
a wiggles marshmallow, covered with, what else? chocolate! that's from elise.
m&m's from my tita (who actually gave it to my sister, who in turn gave it to me).

and as a result?

EXTREME HYPERACTIVITY! crap, i was too jittery, too talkative and too jumpy today. and yeah, my coughs got worse.

kris kringle
aaaah christmas is near! we had our class kris kringle this week... hindi pa ako nagpaparamdam sa nabunot ko. iniisip ko nga kung magpaparamdam pa ako... haha! basta, this weekend ko na siya ibibili ng regalo. and what a beautiful coincidence it was that i happened to pick the name of... *****!!! cute. haha!

laughed my head off
KAM! i just realized that i do laugh in the weirdest way! speaking of weird... gaaah, i lost in a battle of words earlier. and it's not fair. but hey, i won prior to that! haha! that's 1 to 1.

ROUND 1
me: you're still weird!
person: you know, you're strange. no you're stranger.
me: *laughs* that sounds funny! (in my head, i was thinking he said 'you're A stranger')
person: *laughs* you're the strangest student in the whole batch!
me: you're the weirdest creature ever!
round 1 goes to me!

ROUND 2
person: you're weird.
me: you're weird-ER.
person: well... you're weird-EST.
me: that's grammatically incorrect.
person: ikaw nagsabi nun eh!
me: no! uhm... no? uh... no...
round 2 goes to person...

of opportunities, fairy tales and rumours
i still want to be a teacher. whatever was said will not stop me... i hope.
i will never look at snow white in the same way again.
rumours ruin!

faye landayan, ikaw talaga.
i think faye set me up. and now i don't know what to do! haha!

other rambles
bendian... shortcut: "bendi" thanks to sir louie! haha! well, it sounded funny earlier when he said it...
ENGLISH AND HISTORY TEST TOMORROW.
may nagparinig na gusto niya ng regalo... haha!
vigil on monday.

2005-12-12T18:49:00.000+08:00

narnia
i watched narnia: the lion, the witch and the wardrobe last night! it was an awesome film! loved the effects and all... plus the scenes, imagery and costumes were very epic. and no, i did not buy a pirated dvd or vcd. i do not support those things. my uncle works at columbia pictures and every once in a while (coughevery2weekscough), he lets us watch a movie or two in advance. afterwards, we watched another one, actually. it was jim carrey's fun with dick and jane. funny, but it could've been much more hilarious. i am crossing my fingers and hope that he will let us watch the da vinci code in advance, too.

test week
oh fun. haha! this sucks to no end. especially since i know nothing in geometry, i'm confused in chemistry, and i get distracted or i space out in all other subjects... except english, since it's the only subject that i can ace. i love literature! haha.

someone's birthday is tomorrow
no further statements. haha!

i have a new brother
haha only kam will understand that! but yeah. new brother new older brother! hahaha! as if. oh well. magkamukha daw kami (siguro ung ibang features lang). pareho pa kaming weirdo. so pwede na rin. haha!

2005-12-09T18:23:00.000+08:00

If I could tell the world just one thing
It would be that we're all OK
And not to worry 'cause worry is wasteful
And useless in times like these
I won't be made useless
I won't be idle with despair
I will gather myself around my faith
For light does the darkness most fear

Poverty stole your golden shoes
But it didn't steal your laughter
And heartache came to visit me
But I knew it wasn't ever after
We'll fight, not out of spite
For someone must stand up for what's right
'Cause where there's a man who has no voice
There ours shall go singing

In the end only kindness matters

I will get down on my knees, and I will pray

My hands are small, I know
But they're not yours, they are my own
But they're not yours, they are my own
And I am never broken
We are never broken

We are God's eyes
We are God's hands
We are God's mind
We are God's heart

2005-12-08T10:20:00.000+08:00

this is for kamille ignacio:

karasu vs kurama synopsis

from the beginning, kurama knew he couldn't defeat karasu so long as he's in suichi minamino's body. he had the opportunity of watching him battle earlier. before their battle began, their previous opponent gave him a potion that could revert him back to yoko kurama, even for only a short period. drinking the potion, he went on to battle the masked fighter. it would take some time before the potion would take effect, meaning he had to buy some time. so as the match began, kurama tried protecting himself with sharp petals and his rosewhip, both easily destroyed by karasu. up to this point, kurama could not see karasu's spirit energy, further realising that he would never beat karasu in minamino's body. as the fight continued, kurama could not seem to hit karasu, and also receiving a few blows (literally) for himself. to "help" kurama out, karasu charged his spirit energy so that kurama could see it. this then revealed that karasu was actually creating bombs, which, as we could predict, he threw at kurama, creating a huge explosion. a great curtain of smoke covered the arean, as the urameshi team began to worry. there was no sign of kurama... until after a few moments, it was no longer the redheaded suichi minamino standing, but yoko kurama. he easily destroyed the bombs that surrounded him with his plants, which happened to be attracted to two things: anything moving and anything flammable. and wouldn't you know it, karasu kept on moving, as he kept on creating explosives, attracting the plant towards him. after a few minutes, the plant caught karasu, even squeezing him tightly so that his mask fell off. the plant then seemed to have devoured him. but as he turned to leave the arena, his plant then explodes as karasu came out practically unscathed. with his mask gone, karasu began to take in oxygen (which is of course flammable), as he began to create more explosives with his spirit energy. his stick-straight black hair then turned to a wavy blonde (although i still don't understand why that happened!). the said explosive then created a huge blast in the whole stadium, practically destroying 25% of the crowd (quite far from botan and company's side though) and blowing away the urameshi team to the walls (koenma, kuwabara and usuke landed on their behinds, while hiei, as expected, seemed unaffected). when the smoke from the explosion cleared, there was no sign of yoko kurama. but then the figure of suichi minamino's body emerged from underneath fallen debris. kurama himself was surprised that he was back to minamino, when there was still supposed to be a couple of more minutes left to be yoko kurama. nonetheless, the battle continued. unfortunately, kurama could again no longer see karasu's spirit energy. he then opted to fight physically, trying to kick and punch karasu, who only managed to avoid all these. kurama then gets him and gives him a blow in the chest, planting a seed at the same time. karasu was unto him though. he pulls out the seed from his chest, leaving drops of blood on him. karasu then tells kurama that he would finish him off, giving him another blow on his leg. from behind, as he struggled to stand, yusuke shouts at kurama to not move. he was surrounded by bombs, which he still could not see. one by one, these bombs exploded, causing kurama to fall unto the ground once again. as a last attempt, kurama stands up again. karasu then charges another bomb. and as he threw it in kurama's direction, kurama used all his remaining spirit energy to summon a blood-sucking flower. it headed straight for karasu's heart, where the seed was earlier. kurama fell to the ground just as karasu was slowly being devoured by the plant. only, after a few moments, kurama stood up, surprised that he was still alive. he was then declared the victor by mistake. the 10-second count had apparently started the moment kurama was down. therefore, karasu was the winner. a huge rose stood where karasu was once.

kam, next up is hiei. want me to write another synopsis? haha! i kept my promise!

2005-12-02T22:26:00.000+08:00

aah it's done. i did it. be proud of me.

haha. that's all.

:)

2005-11-29T19:34:00.000+08:00

1. wala ng tatalo sa pinakamasayang mga ka-booth ko... ang "para sa iyo" booth! woohoo! you guys did a great job, especially the gamebooth representatives: karen mae cruz and isay lagunzad!
2. one of the many reasons to be happy... rofel! you always manage to make me laugh my guts out.
3. crap, i'll miss this. all the meetings, crammings, long e-mails and walking all over the school! redj, ate kimi, me and justine... gotta love the publicity committee coregroup.

buzzing bee
apparently, a lot of people already know who made me cry. crap. i can't let this get out of hand. another person's reputation is on the line. sure, he was... scratch that. he is a jerk. but i just so happen to be much more sensitive than certain people. so... i have to talk to him?? grr i don't want to. but i have to. sabi ni mariejo eh. ngee. that's going to take a lot of guts to do. oh well. God bless me.

2005-11-24T18:41:00.000+08:00

i felt like it was an attack on my self esteem.

at first, what he said struck a chord. i didn't know if he did it intentionally but for some reason, he made me feel like what i was doing was wrong. he made me feel guilty even when there was no reason for me to feel guilty.

and then afterwards, i couldn't take it anymore. standing there, in front of him, and so many others, he made me feel so inferior, so small. he made it seem like i would never quite catch up anymore, that i would never be of equal footing with the others. he made it seem like i didn't know anything. and i felt so stupid, so useless, so unimportant. i would have given the world just so i wouldn't be standing there. and he wouldn't accept what i was handing him. he kept on saying he'd give me more time. but it was enough. he already made me feel so bad about myself, i didn't need his pity anymore. i pushed it back towards him. i just didn't want it anymore. and then he said what pierced me too much. he said he pitied me and those others like me. yet again, he did not fail to make me feel terrible about myself and about what i do, what i love to do. worst part? he was saying all of these in front of a number of people. and he didn't even notice that i was already affected. i felt so humiliated. these people, i'll bet, had a different notion about me. but because of what he said, he made it seem like i was someone else. he made it seem like i was the worst student there could possibly be. and then i felt my eyes watering. but i wasn't going to cry in front of him. not in a million years. i thrust it back towards him and told him he was making me cry already. and with a swift turn, i went out of that room.

the moment i sat down, i couldn't take it anymore. knowing he was out of sight, i started crying. and they were around me, comforting me. i had never been more embarrassed, more humiliated, and more devastated in my life. i felt so down, i started to think of myself in such a low manner.

ang sakit lang talaga. hindi ko naman aakalain na may mangyayari pa sa aking ganito, lalo na't pagkatapos ng 2 araw, tapos na ang pinaghirapan ko. bakit ngayon pa? my mood was totally destroyed because of this single event... because of the few words he spoke... because of him.

worst of all. he doesn't even know that he hurt me this much.

2005-11-23T20:13:00.000+08:00

aa students!!!
feel free to copy and paste this in your own blogs, message boards or wherever others can read it. just a few more days left! you may leave a comment and include the link as to where you posted it. thanks ladies!

ABLAZE the Assumption Antipolo School Fair
Date: November 25-26
Time: Friday (8am to 10pm), Saturday (9:00am to 8pm)
Ticket price: P50 (good for both days already)

BATTLE OF THE BANDS
Date: November 25, Friday
Time: 6:30pm to 10:00pm
Venue: Side of the MPB facing the fairgrounds
Hosted by: DJ's of Magic 89.9
Performances by: Amateur bands and selected AA students
The Battle of the Bands is FREE

IGNITE the Variety Show
Date: November 26, Saturday
Time: 5:30pm to 11pmVenue: MPB of AA
Performances by: Radioactive Sago Project, Day One Movement, Giniling Festival, Juan Pablo Dream, Up Dharma Down, Cheese and winners of the Battle of the Bands
Hosted by: DJ's of Magic 89.9
Ticket price: P125

2005-11-20T07:40:00.000+08:00

HALE GOTHIC PRINCESS.
award ko nung class encounter. galing talaga... wrong spelling ang "hail". haha! hindi, sige get ko kung bakit ganyan ang spelling... hale kasi yung banda ni champ, tapos si champ, nagawa pa nilang i-connect sa ibang tao. mga walang hiya talaga ang mga kaklase ko! haha! sige, patawarin na, patawarin na.

SING-SONG PEOPLE
i just have one thing to say. it was not my birthday. sheesh... ang lakas kasi mang-asar nung mga sirang yun! pati tuloy mga taga-ibang section kinakantahan ako... malala, yung mga ibang kabarakada ko, na-question pa ang kanilang memory. haha! pati si ms. armie, sir peter at ms. aleena, binati ako. mean people! ayaw mga tumigil kasi... haha... kidding. patawarin na lang ulit...

advanced happy birthday TEENY and ASCUE.
belated happy birthday LOUIE.

2005-11-15T19:15:00.000+08:00

a lot of people are complaining about their schoolwork plus the practices for the dance and all. okay, i don't often rant like this but i just get all annoyed when people start complaining about those things. parang ang sarap sabihin, "eh pano naman kaya ako?!" but then i don't say that. because i'm not complaining. i've said it before and i'll say it again, i like... no, i love what i'm doing.

section 4 head PLUS asst publicity head PLUS prom program counterpart PLUS bendian dance practices PLUS school work EQUALS tired but accomplished me.

and knowing kam ignacio, she will comment here and say two significant letters... IP!!! tama ba kam? haha!

after the fair, i believe i'll have more time to focus on my studies as well as get some well-needed rest. oh, and then by that time, it'll be just right to start focusing on prom preparations already.

makapag-promote na nga...

ABLAZE the Assumption Antipolo School Fair
Date: November 25-26
Time: Friday (8am to 10pm), Saturday (9:00am to 8pm)
Ticket price: P50 (good for both days already)

BATTLE OF THE BANDS
Date: November 25, Friday
Time: 6:30pm to 10:00pm
Venue: Side of the MPB facing the fairgrounds
Hosted by: DJ’s of Magic 89.9
Performances by: Amateur bands and selected AA students
The Battle of the Bands is FREE.

IGNITE the Variety Show
Date: November 26, Saturday.
Time: 5:30pm to 11pm
Venue: MPB of AA
Performances by: Radioactive Sago Project, Day One Movement, Giniling Festival, Juan Pablo Dream, Up Dharma Down, Cheese and winners of the Battle of the Bands
Hosted by: DJ’s of Magic 89.9
Ticket price: P125

YA'LL BE THERE OKAY? If you need a ticket, just tell me.

2005-11-08T17:01:00.000+08:00

bugs
if you could see me right now, i'd be sighing my thoughts away. and i don't even know what's really bugging me... oh no, wait i do know what's bugging me. and it's really bugging me... that's why i'm just sighing about it. haha! gawd, ang labo nun. ewan na lang.

work
ah there's still a lota things to do. and i'm not worried about it. actually, i'm excited to go back and start "working" again. i've got a lot of work to do! haha twisted mind, pixie. absolutely twisted. although i can't help but raise an eyebrow on those people who complain about all the school work they have to do... cause... well, frankly, other people have much more things to do and you don't see them complaining or worrying as much about it. certain people have 3 times as much load as them. i don't know. i just hate it when people complain, rather than just start doing something.

to-do

School work (woohoo 3 essays! haha!)
Fix III-4 class encounter
Publicity committee taskssssssssss (haha!)

jane eyre's off my list. i've finished that long ago... and yes, i'm cramming. but i'm used to it. no sweat. i can do it! haha. positive reinforcement... that always works for me.

whether you say you can or you can't, you're probably right. :)

2005-11-03T10:57:00.000+08:00

semestral break
the keyword there is break. and yet, here i am, back to work... that is, school work and extra-curricular work. don't get me wrong though. i love the extra-curricular work. and hey, i got myself into that! i love doing my tasks for the publicity committee... a lot. and i love my tasks as the class head of iii-4. and i wouldn't have it any other way. bahala na kung ma-stress. it's welcome anyway. as for the school work... well, i don't really have a better alternative but to study.

baguio
well, i'm back. and i'm glad. baguio was fun and relaxing but i just feel much more comfortable when i'm at home. although i had a lot of fun with my little cousins, jill and alecs. they are way too cute! those little devils are just so in love with the camera...

1. alecs and me... what the hell were we doing?
2. me, alecs and jill... isn't alecs so cute?! jillie... so vain!

daig pa ako kung maka-smile! haha! well there... i have a lot of things i need to take care of so... adieu. see ya'll on the 9th.

oh, before i forget...

advanced happy birthday faye.
i love you!

2005-10-27T19:52:00.000+08:00

we went out to promote our school fair in QC schools today... and that's no easy task! first, we went to Ateneo GS for the general assembly. we had to wait for a while because they had the rosary thing. so we just prayed with them and then afterwards, we spoke in front of them. cute ng mga reactions nila. talagang gradeschool! after that, we went to MC to promote via PA system. and i saw one of my former schoolmates, lenel velasco! she was so nice, she still remembered me! and wouldn't you know it, guys from Xavier were also there, having their interaction. it was so weird cause when we were about to leave, the MC girls passed by with the Xavier guys, and then ate giselle whispered, "well, this is awkward." so anyway, we then went to Ateneo HS during the recess of the 4th and 2nd year. we divided into groups so that we could finish a lot faster. our committee head, kimi, divided us and she put me, ate giselle, ate jilli and ate avic in the 2nd year. at first, i was nervous but after a while, parang wala na lang! and some of the 2nd year people were so dead! as in, barely any reaction! pero mayroong mga iba, sobrang kalog. and there was one class who just came from PE... aah not a pretty sight! haha! well, after that, we went to Philippine Science where we promoted on stage just before their play started. the people there were pretty cool. they were very supportive and active. and what was funny was when it was my turn to speak, the lights suddenly went on... so may special effects pa talaga eh! we didn't stay long there... afterwards, we quickly ate lunch at McDonald's so we could go back to Ateneo and finish promoting. ate kimi divided us again, so some could promote in the 3rd year, some in the 1st year. i have to say that the third year is much more lively than the second year! they were funny... this was the group that really asked the silly questions, the group that made all the comments, all the silly antics... sobrang benta lang talaga! and admittedly, i laughed so hard after going to 3d... pati sila ate giselle, natatawa sa akin! eh kasi naman, maka-hirit si karl. oh well. a bit embarrassing but it's ok... hahaha.

and then i had to go back to school after! grrr... cause i had to pick up my sisters from school, first. and then get my report card (which is surprisingly better than what i expected)... and finally, sembreak na! i get to sleep again! haha! my family is going to baguio again... what's new? haha! we always go to baguio during the sembreak... and we will be back on november 2, i think. enough time left to do my homeworks. or maybe i could bring some to baguio... haha eh di nasira bakasyon ko! bahala na nga... haha!

2005-10-15T13:54:00.000+08:00

Wait until it fades to black
Ride into the sunset
Would I lie to you?
Well, I've got something to say
Grab your six-gun from your back
Throttle the ignition
Would I die for you?
Well here's your answer in spades
Shotgun sinners
Wild eyed jokers
Got you in my sights
Gun it while I'm holding on
After all is said and done
Climb out from the pine box
Well I'm asking you
Cause she's got nothing to say
The angel's just cut out her tongue
Call her black Mariah
Would I lie to you?
That girl's not right in the brain
Mass convulsions
Strike the choir
By the grace of God
Gun it while I'm holding on
But don't stop if I fall
And don't look back
Don't stop
Bury me and fade to black
Do you remember that day when we met?
You told me this gets harder... well it did!
Been holding on forever
Promise me that when I'm gone you'll kill my enemies
The damage you've inflicted -- temporary wounds
I'm coming back from the dead
And I'll take you home with me
I'm taking back the life you stole
We never got that far
This helps me to think all through the night
Bright lights that won't kill me now or tell me how
Just you and I, your starless eyes remain
Hip Hip Hooray for me!
You talk to me but would you kill me in my sleep?
Lay still like the dead
From the razor to the rosary
We could lose ourselves and paint these walls in pitchfork red
I will avenge my ghost with every breath I take
I'm coming back from the dead
And I'll take you home with me
I'm taking back the life you stole
This hole that you put me in wasn't deep enough
And I'm climbing out right now
You're running out of places to hide from me
When you go, just know that I will remember you
If living was the hardest part, we'll then one day be together
And in the end we'll fall apart
Just as the leaves changing colors
And then I will be with you
I will be there one last time now
When you go, just know that I will remember you
I lost my fear of falling
I will be with you
I will be with you

2005-10-12T13:11:00.000+08:00

and so i stared at every contour, every angle, every side... i held onto the strings, feeling for some reason that they would snap all of a sudden. i stared and stared... and as expected, nothing happened, nothing came.

it's been more than 365 days since it last came... since it was last genuine. and it doesn't seem to want to come back. maybe it will never come back...

but i'm waiting. just waiting right here. and the moment it comes back, i will find myself feeling accomplished, true and inspired all over again... and trust me, it's been a long time since that last happened.

i'll be here, waiting... i'll be here, strumming.

2005-10-04T20:48:00.000+08:00

galing magtanong ni bespren arianne. diniretso na ako... pero hindi ko naman ma-diretso sagot ko. pero ayun, alam na niya ang totoo. pero malabo, eh. kasi, ako mismo, naaasar at nasasaktan sa katotohanan.

at gusto kong isipin na nagkakaganito lang ako kasi ayaw ko lang isipin ung mga ibang bagay na mas-importante... mga bagay na masmatimbang... mga bagay na masmahal ko.

kasi alam ko, walang kwenta talaga iyong sinabi ko kay bespren... kasi wala naman talaga, sa palagay ko. pero minsan naisip ko na at tinanong ko ang sarili ko... umaasa ba ako? kasi baka umaasa ako sa wala.

hindi... kasi pag naiisip ko naman yung mga bagay... hindi, yung tao na masmatimbang sa akin, nawawala na rin iyon sa isip ko, eh.

naisip ko lang kasi bigla... kasi hindi ako matahimik kung alam kong may ibang nakakakita na. kasi ayoko naman mangyari iyon... kasi, ako mismo, ayokong makita ang sarili kong magkaganito... kasi KABABAWAN lang toh!

hindi ko pine-personal ang mga nakikita ko o ang mga naririnig ko. hindi ako naniniwala na sa akin lang ito nangyayari. gusto kong manapak tuwing naaalala ko na maraming nakakaramdam nito. at bakit ako nasama? kasi, kahit sandali lang, nalungkot ako. kaya naging bukas ako sa ganitong sitwasyon. kasalanan ko ba? siguro nga... pero masakit, eh. ginusto ko lang makahanap ng rason para tumawa ulit... nagkataon lang na narito na sa harap ko iyon.

at habang binabalikan ko ang aking mga kaisipan, lumalabas na parang may ginawa akong hindi kaaya-aya. para, ikaw, ang nagbabasa nito... wala akong ginawang mali. sige, dinedepensa ko lang ang sarili ko... pero ayoko lang isipin ng iba na may nangyaring masama o malubha. dahil wala... wala talaga.

at bespren arianne, kung nababasa mo toh... ang mga sikreto nating dalawa ay mananatiling sikreto... pangako iyan.

2005-10-02T10:41:00.000+08:00

recollection
"believe us when we say that we've never had a more memorable and meaningful recollection ever."

that's what i said when i was thanking the facilitator of our reco, ms. nanet. and it's true. i've never been more touched in a recollection before. i can't understand why the other sections didn't feel that way.

affirmation
we were asked whether we wanted the affirmation or the reconciliation. our class opted for the affirmation instead... i had never felt more appreciated before! when it was my turn, i was crying more than ever. ako ata yung pinakamaraming luhang nilabas nung "affirmation" activity. it was so relieving to know that they understand me. kahit yun lang, yung maintindihan nila ako... ang saya ko na! after that activity, my night was just perfect.

i love iii-4 so much.

band screening
so siyempre, gusto sana akong ayusan ni kitty. fortunately (!), we ran out of time to fix me up. so after the mass, we had breakfast. bern and i had like 5 minutes for breakfast and then we sped our way to the HS cafeteria for the band screening. once i got there, i approached ate kimi and she gave me a hug. i don't really know why... haha!

i was tired, by the end of the day. but i was really very happy all throughout the event. i couldn't find any reason to feel down. i just wanted to do everything that i could for that event.

ate lorra and ate inna asked me once, when i approached the judges' table, "are you okay, pixie?" to which i replied, "yes, i'm happy!"

2005-09-29T19:16:00.000+08:00

publicity committee
it's "stress week", as ate lorra put it, for us this week. the band screening is on saturday already... and it's funny cause i think this has been a huge test for me. you see, everything that could possibly go wrong went wrong! but thank God, we were able to do something about it.

lately, some people have been telling me that i look stressed, tired, and even intoxicated. i don't know... maybe i do look tired. but trust me, i feel so happy with what i'm doing. i don't know if it transpires but i really am.

i'm actually thankful and very much touched with what ate rosanne told me through ym:

Pixie: ate rosanne! thanks for your help sa lahat ha!
ate rosanne: its okay
ate rosanne: your so mushy naman..
Pixie: (smiley here)
ate rosanne: i'm confident that you really deserve to be a pub com head next schoolyear
Pixie: aaaaw thanks!
Pixie: and you said i was mushy!
Pixie: (smiley here)
ate rosanne: haha
ate rosanne: i swear...
ate rosanne: i can really feel how responsible you are and how much dedication you have for pub
ate rosanne: wow. i'm gettting you ready na for 4th year!
Pixie: thanks so much! that means a lot to me!

if there's any possibility that you can read this, ate rosanne... THANK YOU!

recollection
it's our recollection tomorrow and i just can't wait! i've been looking for some time to just rest and be able to talk with God quietly. i haven't done that in such a long time. and i have to remember to thank Him... if it wasn't for Him, i wouldn't have been able to get through this week! thank you so much God! well, that's it. i still have to write some more palancas! haha!

wait, just one more time... THANK YOU!